day 14. he's been gone 2 weeks today. i checked his email again this morning. shame on me right? WRONG. there was an email there from an online dating service. he has messages in his inbox. so, i check them. then i start looking at his profile. he did it when he was 24, which means it can only be 2 mos old. he's looking for a female age 20-24 for "erotic chat". he had an msg in his inbox dated march 20 (less than a week after my birthday) that his "profile" had been approved. well, of course i had to, uh, shall we say, edit that slightly. now he's a raging alcoholic who is cheating on his pregnant wife. dont think he'll be getting any more of those emails...
ok, next topic. had my ultrasound yesterday. they werent sure what the baby was. said it looked like a girl, but we couldnt get her to turn around and give us a good view. lol michael was supposed to call last night and ask about the ultrasound. he never did. maybe he was too busy chatting with his online dating service friends. what a jerk!! you just wait til he calls me. boy is he going to hear it. i dont care what kind of danger he's in, he's still gonna get it! and to think, this moron wants me to plan a wedding. A WEDDING!!!! marry him. he who talks to all these girls on the phone, lies about it to me, and then joins an ONLINE DATING SERVICE. i should move. i should go to another state, not tell him where i am. he'll never find me. or i could just move w/in my own town. change my phone number. not take his calls at work. i'll send him a letter, say i'm dead. he's gullible. ok, thats crazy. dont wanna jinx myself. but this online dating thing, its like a repeat of my life with my husband. only back then i would have cried about it, and thought whats wrong with me. not now. now i know he's just a perverted prick who likes to cyber with chics he'll never meet. but it COULD have gone farther. he COULD have really met someone. i dont know if he did or did not. but the intention was there. is it really that big of a deal though? i mean, they all do it right? some look at playboy...i knew he viewed porn on the net. but this is different. this is "meeting" someone, even if just online and developing a relationship. this is not just pictures. so yes, it is a big deal. yes, i am mad. and yes, he will hear about it if he EVER calls!! what a PRICK.

day 12. its Monday morning. this weekend for some reason was tough. Maybe it was the Easter holiday. Maybe it was being around all the lovey-dovey couples at my family get-together. Michael called thurs night. Technically 1:50 am Friday morning. good thing i didnt have to work Friday!! Friday night i took my son over to his aunt's for the weekend, and then went home and went to bed. Saturday I laid in bed til after 12 moping and then had to get up to go to a 50th anniversary party for a friend's grandparents. yay. it happened to be at a place Michael and I went to together for a party right before he left, and also where we've planned our wedding reception. There were couples everywhere. there were a lot of little "me and michael" things that made it tough. but, i got through, and actually managed to have an ok time. took a couple of pictures to send him. i know he'll want to see how big my belly has gotten in the last 2 weeks. man! such a difference. went home and was in bed a little after 10. Sunday, easter morning, i didnt go to church. had no intention. i'm kinda pouting with God these days. childish isnt it? i still pray every night for the safety of the soldiers, but other than that, I'm not speaking to him. I'm sure he hasnt noticed. lol i did manage to go to my family gathering, though i was about 30 minutes late. Michael brought up the wedding again when he called thurs, so my aunt and i discussed some things. its kinda hard to plan a wedding when you dont know when the groom will be back in the US. we wound up staying at my aunts pretty late, and went home in time to go straight to bed. lucky me, no alone time in the house. that about sums up my weekend.
now for the phone call: it was really strange. i woke up for NO reason that night. i looked at the clock 1:50am. i laid my head back down. the phone rang. it was michael. he bought a calling card, so no more collect calls. at least for now. eerie that i woke up 30 seconds before he called. he had a few more things he needed. since i'd already sent my pkg i had to email his mom and tell her. i hope she sent them, but i dont know. he said something that i have to admit upset me a little. when he called last tuesday he told me that he'd written me a letter and it would take about 2 weeks to get it. then when i talked to him thursday he told me that he'd written his mom, and he'd written mark. (have i talked about mark, i hate mark) he said he only had 2 envelopes, and didnt realize that until after he'd already addressed them, so he didnt have one for my letter. now, this is not true. he had more than 2 envelopes. not only that, but if for some reason he did only have 2 left, who else has he been writing? and if for some reason, he didnt take the rest of his envelopes, and only took 2, why wasnt my letter more important than marks?!?!?! i know that i've been getting the phone calls, but really they are only to ask for stuff. but he writes mark a letter? thats such crap. and mark is such a jerk. and he knows i hate mark, yet he admits to writing mark instead of me. how annoying is that? mark of all people? have i talked about mark? mark loves to come between michael and i. takes him out and gets him drunk, and then convinces him to lie to me bc he knows it will make me mad. i'm convinced it was mark who got him to talk to shelly (since this was mark's favorite bar & grill that she works at). needless to say, i have issues w/mark that he knows about, and obviously they arent respected. and what makes it worse, is that he practically rubbed it in my face that mark was more important than me. if thats the case, he can marry mark, and mark can have his baby and i hope the 2 of them will be very happy together. he's an ass. they both are. you just wait till he calls me tomorrow. boy is he gonna hear it!