alrighty. its been a few days, again. its friday. i've had an eventful few days, but nothing i've felt like talking about. i only do it now, so that i'll have a reference for later. i forget things these days! anyway, yesterday i had to go to the dr very early bc of severe cramps. they said it wasnt the baby, and thought it may just be ligaments stretching. it certainly didnt feel like muscle pain, but there was on obvious explanation otherwise. they did ask if i still had my appendix, but determined with no temp, couldnt be that. so they gave me tylenol with codeine and sent me home. with a doctor's note to stay home. anyway, michael called about 2 pm. he said i sounded distant..........DUH. anyway, i talked to him for about 10 minutes, and then he had to go. and i was kinda like whoop-dee-doo. then today, around the same time, he called again. asked me "are you not happy to hear from me" i said "did i say that" and i really wanted to scream, NO i'm not happy to hear from you i'm angry. but i was mad at him, and i didnt want to talk to him. but i did anyway. for the whole 18 minutes. and i wasnt even really happy to hear from him. i feel guilty. he just makes me so mad sometimes. he brought up the money thing again which totally makes me want to blow a gasket. anyway, the big moving day is tomorrow...yay. M is sposed to call tmw around the same time...woo hoo.

ok, so its been a few days. bet you think i've cooled off huh? NOPE. i'm still pissed. it only got worse. got an email from michael yesterday. he didnt tell his mom to ask me what i needed (which i knew he hadnt) nor did he tell her to send me a check (which i thought he had). he told her to come get me and take me shopping. bamboo shoots under the fingernails come to mind. or some kind of ancient chinese torture maybe...like female circumcision. anyway, he tells me this in an email...oh am i pissed. then he says "if you want me to send you a check, fine i will" so i calmly write him back (ok not so calm) and tell him i dont want him to do a $%*&#@! thing. he nor his mother. i want them both to take a flying leap, and leave me the heck alone. he babbled on and on about how she was a big help to him, while he's gone etc. like i care. she can run his life if he wants, but she's not running mine. and if i want to go shopping with someone's mother, i have one of my own TYVM. i have a whole handful or surrogate/adoptive mothers actually. (hahaha) so, now not only am i completely livid with the meddling witch, but i'm livid with michael for being an idiot, a child, and a damned pansy. oh i hate when he makes me cuss. anyway, i told him i thought the best thing we could do was cut ties for a little while. that i needed some space and some time. obviously, i'm going to have to do this alone, despite his claims to the contrary. well, T tells me that if he dies, i'd feel bad, and to at least write him back and "smooth things over". WHY SHOULD I???? anyway, to ease her mind i sent michael an email and told him that i loved him, but that had nothing to do with my decision. anyway, about 1 this morning...ok ok 12:47, he called. he apparently hadnt gotten the emails yet. he was all chipper and smiley, talking and asking me the SAME questions i'd just answered in the email. did i want him to send money. "NO, dont worry about it". why was i mad at his mom. "dont worry about it". his mom loves me. "NO, she doesnt, dont worry about it". she just hasnt been around you enough. "i dont care, dont worry about it". are ya kinda getting the drift of the conversation yet? so finally i said, "michael, just leave it alone, it doesnt matter, dont worry about it". so then he moves on to the subject of "where are we going when i get back". i tell him he can go wherever the hell he wants to, but i have 2 kids to take care of...or will by that time. he starts to say that his mom can watch them at which time i cut him off mid-sentence, and tell him over my dead body. no one will watch them, i will stay with him and he can go wherever and do whatever he chooses to do. then he asks me "whats wrong with you". i told him to check his email. he said he wasnt going to read any mean emails from me. FINE, be in the dark about whats going on, i really dont care. I"M NOT WORRIED ABOUT IT. i'm so mad, so upset, so sad, so pissed, that i think its cruelly unfair. i didnt want to do it, bc i was scared to do it alone...and now, thats exactly what i'm doing. having a baby all on my own. he hasnt done a damn thing to help, not the first thing. and he doesnt even seem to realize why that bothers me.

hope y'all werent getting too excited with the shiny-happiness, because its all over now. ok, where to start without being repetitive. michael was supposed to send me a check. or, rather, have his dad send, since his dad has his power of atty and checkbook while he's gone. so, i get an email from his mom this morning. wanting to know if i need anything for the nursery...no, why? i told her that michael and i had already talked and he was to send me check for half of what i'd already bought etc, and that i still needed to buy a dresser. she writes back and asks if i want her to buy the dresser (with my fiance's money of course). no, i dont, i just told you what i wanted you to do, which is precisely what your son has already agreed to do. argh. she acts like i'm asking her for her money or something. hello, its not hers! she's not even the one with the power-of-attorney over it. its his DAD. i want to blow a fuse. i have never taken money from him for anything. if that were a factor, it would be just the opposite. over 80% of the times that we went out, i paid. even on the weekend of my birthday if i recall correctly. so how dare she have this snide undertone as if i were trying to take her son for a monetary ride! i'm beyond pissed off. furious. livid. my blood is boiling. who the hell does she think she is? i'm almost to the point of calling my attorney and having him served with papers as to what he owes me thus far, and what his future child support and visitation will be. and just calling all the rest of this shit off. (bad word, bad word) i mean, if she wants control of his life that bad, she can have it, but i'll be damned if she'll control mine! i've been on my own far too long to take orders from someone else's mother. i have a mother thank you very much. and SHE knows better than to try to take over my life, or my childs life. gggggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!! ok, i need to go calm down somewhere. i sent michael a nasty email about it, and told him i didnt need a mediator in our relationship, and if he did, obviously we dont have much of one.

could yesterday have been any better? ok, i got the first email from michael, VERY early. around 2pm he sent me another email with the cutest pictures of him...they are linked in my photos. then, when i woke up this morning...you guessed it! another email. i bawled like a baby when i first saw the pictures. but, its ok now! :) i finally sent him a pic of my SHORT hair, but he didnt say much about it, just said he could tell it was a fake smile. what a brat. i told him to come home if he wanted real smiles. i also asked him if he was a prisoner and was being forced to email me 3 times daily as some kind of punishment. haha. i loved it though! it made me SO happy to get 3 emails from him, basically within 24 hours (i know i know, you want to gag dontcha marci?). well, thats about it for now. maybe i'll get another email later, and i can write about it...haha (of course, he may also think that 3 emails in one day gets him off email duty for like a week or so...brat) more later!!

ok, i figured it out. he's smarter than me. haha he called early friday morning, but he hadnt emailed since wednesday. so, i wake up really early this morning and come stomping into the computer room ready to send him a mean email because he promised to write every 2 days, and well, its been 4. and he hasnt even called in over 2. so, now i look like a dummy, bc there's an email from him, and he's so sweet in it. first though, i guess i should explain my weekend. friday, i got an email from T. she was telling me that michael's mom had sent her an email telling her i was too independent and hadnt asked her or michael for any help with the baby. this made me a little angry...why? because i shouldnt have to. this is HIS child, and her granchild, and i shouldnt have to ask for help. and i dont think it should come from her, this is HIS problem. but i think she meant since she has his POA that she is the one who would be sending me michael's checks or whatever. anyway, i havent specifically asked her, but i've told him plenty of times how expensive this is...but thats already been discussed. anyway, T was very angry with her, so she decided not to write her back right then. haha. basically agreed with me, said i shouldnt be required to "ask". so that was my friday night...woo hoo. connor is at his dads this weekend, so i'm feeling very lonely. oh well, he'll be back soon. anyway, yesterday mom, stepdad, and brother came over to help me pack up some stuff. basically anything that could fit in a box was packed and went to the new house. (i got the key friday) the only thing left in my house now, is a weeks change of clothes for me and connor, 4 towels, shampoo, conditioner, soap, table, entertainment center (empty except for TV and VCR) couch, 2 beds, computer, and desk. thats it. this place is like a barren wasteland. haha anyway, ysterday, we were running boxes back and forth, and unpacking...i was unpacking a box of glasses, and one of my wine glasses hadnt been wrapped well, (the base had no paper around it) so it was broken. well, i just didnt unwrap it, laid it down, and went on unpacking. we finished that box, and luckily, that was the ONLY thing that was broken...granted my set of 4 is not a set of 3, and those glasses are no longer carried at the blownglass shop where i got them, but that was ok. one broken glass in that all that moving, not a problem. until i step on a shard of glass. now, let me say, i am not squeemish. i dont mind blood all that much. i mean, its kinda icky, i couldnt be a phlebotomist but, i'm ok with it. needles on the other hand-well thats another story-for another day. i sit in the floor and i'm like "dang, that hurt, now i gotta dig glass outta my foot". until i break out into a sweat, the room starts spinning, and i feel nauseous. i call my mom and ask her to get it out. she touches it, and i scream (it seriously hurt, i think she pushed down on the glass) and told her to stop, i was fainting. she hands me the coke that i asked for, but its too late. i drink some, but there's nothing i can do, i'm going to faint. i tried to hold my head down, but there was nothing to be done. my brother kept talking to me (in that annoying 14 year old way) about being squeemish. finally i just laid over. i could hear them (sorta) but i couldnt answer and i couldnt open my eyes. i felt too weak to move, and i still felt nauseous. i'm not sure how long i laid there. but eventually i felt like my arms and legs were no longer noodles, and the nausea had passed. so i sat up and got mom to take the glass out. then i was fine. i'm not sure why i passed out, but it was scary. i kept telling her, "i'm going to pass out, and i'm going to throw up" what a baby! anyway, i totally missed my friend's daughter's first birthday party yesterday! i dont think she'd have been so mad, bc she knew i had moving to do, except for that fact that like 4 other people didnt show up. so, she was pretty pissed. i went by there when we were finally done (like 8 pm) and told her i was sorry but i had to get things done whenever i had someone to help. i cant lift etc right now. she kinda got over it. i was the only one with a valid excuse really. haha anyway, i fell asleep over there while we were watching "catch me if you can". i woke up to see the end though. then i came home and went to bed. not a very restful night, but oh well. then, like i said, today i got the email from michael. i dont know if i mentioned this, last thurs or fri i'd sent him an email telling him i wanted to hold off on wedding plans, i wasnt sure he was ready, etc. when he wrote back, his subject line was "no bs i already have ushers". haha. ok, he's not eloquent but it was funny. anyway, the whole email is how he's so sorry about all the "crap" thats gone on, and he really has changed, and all he ever talks about is coming home and getting married, and how much he loves me etc. i laughed at the line "i was crazy once, young and stupid, now i'm just old and madly in love with you, not stupid". (crazy once...yeah, like less than a year ago weenie head). he swears he's ready and he's not going to do anything, ever, to screw up what we have. of course, if i tell T she'll still be reluctanct, and skeptical, and tell me not to trust him...why, i dont know. its almost like she's against this relationship, even though she assures me that is not the case. so, that has been my weekend so far. hopefully, today will be a good day! :)