Friday, October 24, 2003
you know, michael's great. he really is. i mean, how many guys would put up with my complete array of SHIT and still love me in the morning? poor boy. i'm totally wishy-washy, i change my mind constantly, i'm maddeningly demanding, wholly possessive, maybe even obssessive. and yet he lives with all these flaws, even finds them endearing. IS HE BLIND?!?! last night i started a fight. i am evil. personally, i think the fight was justified. but, that could be bc of my demanding streak.
so-this is what happened. if you'll read back, you'll remember my little issue with michael's online romance website that he joined. well...he's always denied it. even told me that one of his roomates joined it and used his email. my argument for knowing that he was lying was that his roomate would not have used a username that M uses for everything, his password, and his description. so, i KNOW it was him. anyway, all of that is past. well, i asked him about it last night. i know he's lying when he says its not him, he knows he's lying, and he knows that i know he's lying. so, why wont he just admit it, and let it be over? he thinks i should just drop it. but, i cant. because he wont say, yes i did it, and i'm sorry. if he would just admit it and apologize, it wouldnt bother me anymore. but he wont. jerk. so, of course he got pissed at me, turned everything around on me, and made it look like i was the bad guy, bc i wont just leave it alone. ron would never do that to me. and i feel guilty even making that comment. oh yeah, ron would be the "soulmate". i'm pretty sure my seat in hell is reserved bc of all this. but, dang, M may put up with an array of shit, but so do I!!! he's here for 15 days and the boy cant spend 5 freaking minutes with me. he has to go see this one and that one, and blah blah blah. we have 2 kids. so, alone time is pretty impossible. there will be one day, count them again, ONE day while he is here that i have a babysitter for both kids. so, i made plans for he and i to go to one of these theme park places, bc i couldnt go while pregnant. what does he do? he invites his little brother to go with us. the one night that we can actually be alone, do something together, and just enjoy each other's company, and not have to worry about the kids, and he invites his 15-year-old brother to tag along. and, i mean, i love his brother, but it hurt my feelings. he never even asked me. and of course, it does no good for me to whine about it now, bc if he un-invites his brother, then i look like a big B*tch. so, i get to spend no time with him while he's home, and i just have to resign myself to that fact. oh yeah, and tonight, being friday, i thought we could hang out, after the kids go to bed, stay up late and watch a movie or something since i dont have to work tomorrow. what does he do? invite his brother to come spend the night with us. lovely isnt it?
so-this is what happened. if you'll read back, you'll remember my little issue with michael's online romance website that he joined. well...he's always denied it. even told me that one of his roomates joined it and used his email. my argument for knowing that he was lying was that his roomate would not have used a username that M uses for everything, his password, and his description. so, i KNOW it was him. anyway, all of that is past. well, i asked him about it last night. i know he's lying when he says its not him, he knows he's lying, and he knows that i know he's lying. so, why wont he just admit it, and let it be over? he thinks i should just drop it. but, i cant. because he wont say, yes i did it, and i'm sorry. if he would just admit it and apologize, it wouldnt bother me anymore. but he wont. jerk. so, of course he got pissed at me, turned everything around on me, and made it look like i was the bad guy, bc i wont just leave it alone. ron would never do that to me. and i feel guilty even making that comment. oh yeah, ron would be the "soulmate". i'm pretty sure my seat in hell is reserved bc of all this. but, dang, M may put up with an array of shit, but so do I!!! he's here for 15 days and the boy cant spend 5 freaking minutes with me. he has to go see this one and that one, and blah blah blah. we have 2 kids. so, alone time is pretty impossible. there will be one day, count them again, ONE day while he is here that i have a babysitter for both kids. so, i made plans for he and i to go to one of these theme park places, bc i couldnt go while pregnant. what does he do? he invites his little brother to go with us. the one night that we can actually be alone, do something together, and just enjoy each other's company, and not have to worry about the kids, and he invites his 15-year-old brother to tag along. and, i mean, i love his brother, but it hurt my feelings. he never even asked me. and of course, it does no good for me to whine about it now, bc if he un-invites his brother, then i look like a big B*tch. so, i get to spend no time with him while he's home, and i just have to resign myself to that fact. oh yeah, and tonight, being friday, i thought we could hang out, after the kids go to bed, stay up late and watch a movie or something since i dont have to work tomorrow. what does he do? invite his brother to come spend the night with us. lovely isnt it?
Thursday, October 23, 2003
ok wow, this post will have NOTHING to do with michael. well, maybe a little, but not really. here goes...
there's this guy. i dated him about 5 or 6 years ago. we broke up. we dated again. we were engaged. there has always been something keeping us apart. his job transferred him across the country, among other things! i'd be dating someone when he was free, then he'd be dating someone when i was free. we were both young, and not sure what we wanted out of life. but, from all of that, we became the best of friends. we can finish each other's sentences, we always know what the other one is thinking, and we know we can always count on each other, and talk to each other about anything. if i believed in such things, i'd say we were star-crossed lovers. lol but, i dont... anyway! i think part of me will always be in love with him. and i feel guilty for that. he feels the same. dont get me wrong, there's no talk of getting together, he's married and has 2 kids, and I of course, have michael. but i have a guilty conscience about this guy... and i'm not sure why that is. anyone who's ever known the two of us have said that he's my soulmate. he even says that. as i said, i'm not sure i believe in such things. i LOVE michael, i love him to death, but i KNOW that i will never have the connection with anyone that i have with this other guy. so, am i cheating michael? is the other guy cheating his wife? or, is that just how life goes sometimes?
there's this guy. i dated him about 5 or 6 years ago. we broke up. we dated again. we were engaged. there has always been something keeping us apart. his job transferred him across the country, among other things! i'd be dating someone when he was free, then he'd be dating someone when i was free. we were both young, and not sure what we wanted out of life. but, from all of that, we became the best of friends. we can finish each other's sentences, we always know what the other one is thinking, and we know we can always count on each other, and talk to each other about anything. if i believed in such things, i'd say we were star-crossed lovers. lol but, i dont... anyway! i think part of me will always be in love with him. and i feel guilty for that. he feels the same. dont get me wrong, there's no talk of getting together, he's married and has 2 kids, and I of course, have michael. but i have a guilty conscience about this guy... and i'm not sure why that is. anyone who's ever known the two of us have said that he's my soulmate. he even says that. as i said, i'm not sure i believe in such things. i LOVE michael, i love him to death, but i KNOW that i will never have the connection with anyone that i have with this other guy. so, am i cheating michael? is the other guy cheating his wife? or, is that just how life goes sometimes?
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