i am grouchy, grouchy, grouchy! monday night, i t/w M's dad, and i thought we had the rehearsal dinner thing all settled. it was a plan i could live with. a group of 20-25 out on the lake, grilling out. there's a covered shelter etc. sounded fun... then, SHE got involved. she is the devil. SHE decided that she wanted to have it elsewhere....can you guess where? yup! remember the friends that i didnt even really want to invite? well, now she wants to have it at their house. crap! i know she could tell by the tone in my voice that i wasnt thrilled at that idea. but, did she care? oh no. anyway, that happened on tuesday evening. so, i calmly sent M and email telling him that i didnt want to do that. so, i suggested either we have 2 seperate dinners (my family one place, his another) or have no dinner at all. basically, i am refusing to go to this woman's house. i dont like her, she makes me very uncomfortable, etc. anyway, he answers my email, but doesnt address the dinner. so, wednesday morning when we are talking online again, i bring it up. he avoids. i bring it up again. he tells me that we will discuss it when he gets home. unacceptable. when he gets home will be too late to back out. and i am not being coerced into this. so i got mad. i fired off at him. it turned into a huge, wedding-cancelled fight. i hurt his feelings. he said he was "in shock". and that he didnt even know what to say to me. that he felt everything he'd done in the last year, all the changes, were for nothing. i felt bad...but only a little. after all, i only wanted him to make one tiny decision. anyway, he finally decides no dinner... whatever, i dont care. so he asks if we are ok? i said i guess. he asks if the wedding is back on, i say i guess. he says "guess?". i told him to take his victories however he gets them. he asked what that was supposed to mean. it means, i'm not happy. it means i dont want a big wedding. it means this whole thing sucks. but...i'm doing it. for him. so, the least he can do is BACK OFF a little bit. then, he "informs" me that he's just found out he has to caravan across iraq. through some major hotspots before coming home. basically, he's going to be in some pretty serious danger. i dont know whether or not to believe him. why? because before he shipped out, every single time we got into a fight, he'd call me with some BS line like "i just found out i'm shipping out to iraq tomorrow, and i will probably die...i hope you're happy that you're not speaking to me...see ya". used to make me SO mad. and, of course, every time, it was a lie. very annoying! but, there's always the tiny chance that he's telling the truth. its like emotional blackmail. very annoying!! anyway, i guess we got off on ok terms, and i didnt hear from him today. what really pisses me off about that, is i KNOW he got my email, he just didnt answer. and he wasnt online this morning. juvenile. and then there's the itty bitty part of me that thinks "what if he's hurt, what if he's dead". and i know he's not, bc i'd have heard...or would i? i hate the constant doubts. anyway!! on to lighter subjects
i bought wedding invitations today. i have a friend that works at a printing company...so my grand total for wedding invitations?! $22. nice huh? they arent my favorite style, but hey who cares, they're $22!! lol
marci hasnt been around today. i'm thinking maybe she's not at work today. she may be doing something with the kids, since they are oin spring break. which means i have no one to talk to!
ok, now back to M's mom. i emailed her and told her no dinner. she said she understood, but her FRIEND would be "greatly disappointed". gee, like i freaking care! what about me? i'm disappointed. it's MY wedding, and i cant have a rehearsal dinner, bc they are ridiculous. it sucks. she's manipulative and controlling. basically, i wrote her back and told her friend would get over it. then i said that i was going out to eat w/my family and my attendants, and suggested they do the same...maybe she'd take the hint what the problem was. she didnt, she just wrote back and called me a party pooper. whatever lady!!
at marci's suggestion, i called a girlfriend last night and asked her if she wanted to go out for a little while. she'd had a crappy two days at work, so she said absolutely. lol we went out for about 2 hours to a local pub...well, ok i dont know what else to call it. its more like a bar, but its pretty small, and they do have food. but, its mainly a bar. anyway, it wasnt very crowded, so we stayed for a few hours had a couple of drinks (me one, her two) and bitched about our crappy week thus far! lol it was nice, though, to blow off some steam, and i felt better afterwards.
all i know, is that i will be SO glad when may 1st is over!!

drama, drama, drama. it seems to be the story of my life. every time i think his mother and i are beginning to get along, she does something (IMHO) to undermine me, and my relationship with michael. its enough to make ya scream. we all know about the "ticket" incident. well, here's the latest. michael's parents decided to forego the rehearsal dinner. so MY mother offered to get the wedding party, and the parents (only) together the night before the wedding, so that M and I will be able to give out our gifts. michael's mother then decides to invite people... does this make sense? i mean, she doesnt want to throw the dinner, but she's perfectly willing to invite people? none of MY family is coming. none of MY friends are invited. so, why is it that she should be allowed to invite HER friends? and thats just it, they are friends. not even family. which makes it all the more annoying. if it were a "rehearsal" dinner, i'd have no problem with it. but we were just supposed to be getting the parents together, and of course the wedding party since some of them will be from out of town, and its only polite to feed them...;) lol i just felt that it was EXTREMELY rude of her to invite people, especially when i made it quite clear who was invited. and even if she WAS paying, since when did MY wedding become all about HER?? very frustrating! so anyway, i said no to the friends being invited. very nicely i might add. so, what does SHE do? she goes online and whines to michael about it. so then michael jumps down my throat. he wants them there, blah blah. they are like family to him, blah blah. SO WHAT i have plenty of friends that are "like family". hell, i have plenty of family, but you dont see me inviting them all do you? NO because it is not a freaking rehearsal dinner!!!!!! UUUGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so anyway, i told michael to just cancel the whole damn thing. if his parents want to go out to eat with their damn friends, they certainly dont need MY wedding as an excuse to do it. so i told michael it was totally up to him whether he chooses to have dinner with me or his parents the night before our wedding. i'm assuming he chose them. its frustrating for me, but, what can i do? i almost feel like the rest of my life is going to be this way. competing with his mother for him. and i'm not all that in to that scene.... part of me wants to bail. i mean, i'm already stuck with 100% of the expense for a wedding that i never wanted to have in the first place. if you ask me, he and his parents should be footing that damned bill. but, NNNNNOOOOOOO, i am paying for it all. i am shelling out SEVERAL thousand dollars towards a day in which i will be totally miserable and uncomfortable. all because he and his mother wanted a wedding...what the hell am i marrying in to? freaks...

so anyway, in other news...my son eats NO fruits. and NO veggies. wait, i take that back. he will eat the cherries and the pears out of canned fruit cocktail. and he does eat corn. anyway, i am obsessed with raisinets. i love em. guess who will eat them? yup, the non-fruit eating son. but, will he eat raisins? no however, that little bit of chocolate gives him the motivation to eat the raisins. lol. good parenting? perhaps not. but THANK YOU raisinets for keeping my kid regular. lol

anyway, back to the michael saga...yes, it is my life. he tells me this morning on the computer that JESSICA (we all remember her from may 03) called his mother yesterday asking all sorts of questions about when he'd be home etc. supposedly his mom told her that she wasnt sure when he was getting home but that he was getting married as soon as he did get home, and not to call the house again. why dont i believe that? especially not the "dont call us again" part. UGH i'll ask his dad. he seems to be the only one in that family who gives it to me straight. thank God for that one glimmer of sanity.

well, thats all the news and updates for today folks...